Sunday, July 13, 2008

The List

First off, it's F'in hot in the Willamette Valley (No global warming denier). I mean no disrespect to the central valley of California, where my family mentioned it was already over 100 degrees several weeks ago, but the third day of 90+ deg. weather sucks. I intended to run 16 miles today, but I started at 9:30 and 2 hours in it was too hot to care anymore.
The List: Grocery Store, Liquor Store, Gun Store. Just writing the list gave me a jolt of testosterone on par with 1/4 of Lance's single huevo (about the amount that got Floyd in trouble - Damn you Jim Beam for costing that nice Amish man a Maillot Jeune!). Grocery store first, I ran into a 'fellow traveler', "Oh my god Chris, thats right, you told me about Saturday mornings at the grocery store." Best time to shop. Yes, we ran into each other in the wine section at 7:30 am. Had to take a break after that. Apparently liquor and guns (or the people who typically enjoy them) don't get going till noon or so on the weekends.
Anyway, liquor safely stored in a brown bag in the trunk (A locally distilled vodka - me being the type of person who considers their carbon footprint even in the liquor store. Buy Local people.) I went to not one but two gun stores. My car was the smallest in both lots (the only car actually, sucks that Bush has rewarded his truck driving fan base with high gas prices I guess), Thank god for the American flag sticker my Father in Law installed. Walking into the second store I was alerted by a large sign that informed me I should vote as both Hillary and Obama (Time to change the sign I guess) were more likely to change my rights to own a handgun in a negative way. Fortuneately I am not a single issue voter (e.g. see gas quip above), and am more concerned that I (and everyone else) have access to health care that will not bankrupt me in the event that I (or anyone) am actually shot with a gun, than with wether or not I can actually own one. Of course now that I have one, it will be that much harder to take it away.
Gun store was fun. We spent a lot of time joking about the fake breasts of one of the customer's wife (She was there - No Lyceum). They showed me Rugers and Smith and Wessons and told me the S&W's costs more and would need more maintenance when firing .357 rounds (Total Yuppy Gun Jacob, and I mean that in the most ridiculous possible way considering I know you own firearms. I look forward to going to a firing range with you next time I visit Seattle. We can bring Guth and Crash. As a flautist in the Army, Crash was trained in the use of several deadly wood winds, up to and including the Oboe.)
Anyway, her name is Betsy (not actually her, just a google photo, she has a nicer grip).The guy in line at the cash register behind me was pretty stoked for me (surprising, given that every other brief comment he made hinted at his antisocialism - I say that as a 'fellow traveller' - my first gun purchase really stoked him out, we shared a moment as it were.). He and the clerk launched into a discussion of the fact that the gun I was buying (both owned identical guns) was a perfect choice as a first gun. I bought .38 ammo for the range because it was cheap and a box of hollow tip hunting ammo in .357 caliber. They offered me another ammo, explaing that if someone broke into the house in the winter wearing a Carhart jacket over a Flannel shirt (apparently the big threat around here is from Meth addicted construction workers, actually thats probably correct) I needed something that was guaranteed to open up on penetration. I think I may have misunderstood Dirty Harry when he explained the effectiveness of the standard .357 magnum. I went with the hunting ammunition regardless. It may only open up into five pedals instead of six, but I'm farely certain if it will kill a stag, I don't want to get hit with it, Carhart jacket or not.
I'm signing up for a safety class at the end of the month, but will be to the range this week to test Betsy out.


  1. Well I just want to welcome Betsy into your family. Sounds like you shared some wonderful first moments at the gun shop. Here's a little prayer I think you should teach Betsy. I know it's a bit mushy & moving, but I still like it.

    In a quiet, soothing voice ask, "What makes the Grass Green"? Then scream at the top of your lungs, right before you pull the trigger, "BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD"!!!

  2. Congrats on the new purchase. I am very pleased that you are taking all the correct steps in owning a firearm. When you do come to Seattle I would love to take a newbie shooting (most likely you wont be a newbie by that time, and will own several pieces, it is an addiction I must say......and I am not even a redneck :) If you want to buy cheap rounds, go to ammo man and order online. Do not listen to what clerks say at the gunshop, they try and sell whatever they have more in stock of, stay away from reloaders, they will only make your piece messy, and.......always keep your safety on when not in use. If you want to try something with more of a bang, I will let you fire my S&W 460, and you can make the judgement on what is yuppie and what is not. A handgun that can hunt any game???? Can it be true??? Shoot at any moving target at 250yrds? Who'd a thought? Who said you need a 7mm? Have fun, and be safe.