Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The principled opposition to my voting for your individual Magnum Points

"From each according to his abilities to each according to his needs" - Karl Marx
First, let me say that I am proud that my fellow citizens are showing so much initiative and enthusiasm for getting out there and doing stuff. Its that kind of attitude that brought us colonialism and the rape of the developing world so that our coffers might be filled and our god might be ascendant. It has its roots in the Protestant work ethic, without which this country might have never had child and immigrant labor working in sweat houses or meat packing plants in order to build the foundation (on the back of African slaves - natch) of one of the most successful economic engines this world has seen. I speak of course of this great nation, The United States of America. God bless it, and no one else.

Without this kind of attitude we would no doubt be a country of lazy, cheese eating, wine swilling, union members given to regular strikes and riots, month long vacations, and universal health care. Not unlike the French.

All this being said, I have come to the opinion, if you want a gold star, go ahead and take a sticker when I'm not looking. I hereby vote "Yea" in perpetuity to all proposals for individual magnum points. It troubles me to think that such a group of individuals, born from the same stock that gave us such great achievers as Carrot Top, George The Animal Steele, and George W. Bush would allow their bliss to be dependent on my vote. It sounds like socialism to me. And Joe the plumber tells me that's a bad thing. He also tells me he is the product of a failed public school system stripped of funds by the anti-tax zealotry of Grover Norquist's down syndrome afflicted adherents and that he, like many rank and file Republicans despises intellectual curiosity. So he may not be the best judge of 19th century European Political and Social theories. He also tells me he prefers Pex pipe to copper for its longevity. So he may not be the best plumber either.

Do not think of this as a rebuke, rather think of it as an exhortation to double down on the dream that is America (L.L.C.). Did Evil Knievel ask anyone for validation to jump the Snake River Canyon (Of course not, he had a diamond encrusted skull cane/flask filled with Jim Beam to validate himself - Thus insulating him from the vagaries of the voting public). You are my brothers and sisters, and I support you in all you're endeavors (except for you Crash. I don't care how you explain it, your hobby of dressing your member up as a miniature "Dick" Cheney and exposing it to coeds on the UW campus is not a "socio-political statement" and it frightens me). Ask not whether you can beat a Dentist and his Serotta (please tell me he's at least under 40) up a hill or if you can run 25 miles less than the distance of the Bataan Death March. Ask instead, "Ventoux, how you doin with that beer, ready for another?"

1 comment:

  1. Sorry Chris, but these new rules will have to be discussed by BRS Steering Committee, approved by primary stakeholders and ratified by a 2/3 majority.

    Yeah, he's under 40 (I think?). But the other guy that posts rockin' times is 52. He woulda been at the TdM but was riding Tour of Whidbey that weekend.