Sunday, January 31, 2010

Feb's Finlandia/FthePainAway

Consider February's Challenge as a pre-test for DC's Army PT Test. The challenge is simply do as many push-ups that you can to Peaches' song and sit-ups to Jean Sibelius' song. You may rest as much as you want/need during the songs. Increase your maximum sets by 10% for both, and you get 3 pts:

1BRS pt = Take diagnostic score
2BRS pts = > 65 Sit-ups AND > 20 Push-ups (must do both)
3BRS pts = Increase BOTH scores by 10%

Let me know if you have any trouble accessing the spreadsheet or downloading the tunes. Good Luck!

Stupidest Man on the Earth

So, if you are making beer, cool it down before you put it into a big glass fermentation vessel. Not after. Apparently even big thick glass vessels will crack if you introduce a large temperature differential. The more you know right?
For a split second (As the carboy sheared about its meridian, and the beer and cold water mixed in the rubbermaid container) I was definitely the stupidest person on the face of the earth. Maxed that shit out. Scored 100 according to the Army scoring tables provided by Crash. Regardless of age. Know that none of you even approached my level of stupidity this weekend. Know that for but a moment I set the global gold standard for what it means to be profoundly stupid. And know that come the Davis Challenge, I shall once again surpass all expectations and max that shit out...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Still better than clearing brush

Obama: I really really really should not have put up the state of Alaska as collateral on Bodog for this bet. Man, screw that Kryzewski guy, was he even born in this country? That name sounds foreign to me. Like some kind of terrorist from Krygyzstan. Did I close all those illegal prisons Cheney set up? It might be fun to send coach K to one, I could probaby get away with sending Vitale too. No one would care. Duke grads probably all vote Republican anyway. Douches. Oh well, at least Bodog is going to have to take that crazy bitch along with Alaska. Might be a wash really. I wonder if I could bomb her after Bodog takes ownership and she's not technically a U.S. citizen anymore? God I hate Duke.

Secret Service Agent: Great, here I am with a national TV camera pointing at me and I'm having a reaction to my new facial moisturizer. God I hope I dont look too puffy!

Joe: Likes - guys with a sense of humor, puppies, long walks on the beach. Dislikes - playing games, rudeness, Rush Limbaugh. Well hello Miss February. Looks like someones going to be getting an invite to visit the VP at an "undisclosed location"...

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Warm and Fuzzy

So just got done taking a PT Test with theGuth & Skirtsteak, and I think I can speak for everyone when I say if you want to feel Warm and Fuzzy, go drink a beer instead of taking an Army PT Test.

I guess I would label this test P-Bion (Painful - But It's Over Now). Despite the painful wake-up call, there were a couple of bright spots.

TheGuth knocked out full sit-ups like it was nobody's business, and Skirtsteak might want to change her name to GI Jane. Woman did 20 straight picture perfect push-ups, that even a Ranger Battalion would have counted. Seriously! Makes Ventoux's (f/k/a Grand Slam, a/k/a Lantern Rouge (literal translation: I am the slowest rider in the TdM because everyone else is a superior cyclist) push-ups look girly.

Oh yeah, and thanks for the beer!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Pitchers and Catchers

So in just a few weeks, MLB's pitchers & catchers need to report to Spring Training. Likewise, I'm officially declaring the start of BRS' Biking Pre-Season. So over the next few weeks, square-away your bikes and get out and start riding off the winter cobwebs. After the DC, we'll definitely start getting in some good rides. My wish list? Everett to Olympia, Mukilteo to Anacortes, and I'd love to try the North Cascades Hwy.

Here's a pic from my D2D(lv) ride this morning. It's so hard to get out when the scenery is so ugly.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Good job with the monthly challenge there Crash. I heard Anna Kourinkova won a few tounaments in Lincoln, or Calais, or Perth or somewhere lame. I wonder if she'd trade all that for a major? Or maybe a Grand Slam? Do you think when Pete Sampras gets in a fight with his wife, all she has to say is "French Open?" to send him flying from the room? Imagine if it was called the Sampras Open?
Anyway, theres been a lot of yapping in these here parts of blogfrica about Team Joe Camels training for the Davis Challenge (Defending Champs if you must know). Rather than waste your time with worthless unprovable braggadacio, like others I won't name, here is look at our training regimen, and, well, what other teams have really been up to...

First Class: "I don't think we need to carry this much weight on the road march!"
Grand Slam: "Don't Worry! I got this bro!"

Crash: "That Double Dutch totally smoked me!"
Gerald: "Whatever. I'm going for a quick 30 miler, wanna come?"

Grand Slam: "Lets go First Class, Just 800 more!"
First Class: "Don't Worry! I got this bro!"

Gerald: "Why are we playing house? I need to go for a run!"
Crash: " Geralllldddd! Don't be mean! We're getting squared away!"

First Class: "How is this going to help with Darts?"
Grand Slam: "Shut Up! What will you do if the dart board is standing on your wrist?!?!"
First Class: "I understand now. I got this bro!"

Crash: "People are totally going to heart these blondies"
Gerald: "LOL"

First Class: "Are you sure you wanna go this far to win Slam! This is illegal!"

Grand Slam: "Don't worry Bro. I got this!"

Saturday, January 23, 2010


Reviewing the rules for i.o.u.B.M.(Q.) awards I see that they are intended for a tremendous effort in either a Major or a Monthly Challenge. So Crash, technically speaking, this beer is for your early completion of Juggling January. You've already done everything you need and still have a week left, you done nearly all the requirements to a greater degree than was necessary, and most surprisingly, done the whole thing sober (which makes this award a little ironic: you can have a glass of milk instead, if you like). But that's not what this is really about.
You always attack the monthly challenges head-on. I might be able to occasionally do more crunches than you in a single sitting, but I'll never challenge you for a month. I love hiking, but I don't think I'll ever get as excited about a road march as you. But that's not what this is really about either.
What this is about is that BikeRunSwig is continually challenging, continually changing, and always fun times. I think one or two of the monthly challenges have been suggested by others but by and large you've come up with some really innovative ways to get me to run for miles and do pushups day in day out.
What this is about is that I happen to be wearing last year's DC challenge t-shirt, and am proud of it. Looking forward to this year's DC, what a great event it's been, and hope to make another good show at this year's record attendance event (maybe another saweet T too?).
What this is about is that you stopped by my house yesterday just to check on my BikeRunSwig attitude. You wanted to know how invested I was in the BRS life and with how much vim I am ready to attack this year's monthly challenges and majors, and next year's, and the years following that too. Most bloggers don't make house calls.
I dunno, I don't want to blow this up more than it is (it's only worth 1/6 of a MagnumPt after all), but just wanna say, "T," Crash, for keeping this project alive, my tummy flat, and my outlook positive.
I didn't mean to get your hopes up, but I've got a beer different that than the one pictured above waiting for you.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


What's the perfect remedy for a post-Army PT Test in the rain? A bowl of pho of course! Week One, I survived my OSIOS test, and completed my DADAPTT this week with the Murtzinator and Levi (Sammy Andrejko - Levi can max the run). Where I really got smoked was the next morning with Gerald, jogging 16.5 miles all around Seattle. I've got to admit, after this 2nd PT test, I didn't feel like I was going to die. Progress...

What's up for Week Three? PUPU&MPU (push-ups, push-ups, and more push-ups). It's the only requirement that I need to complete for JJ, but mostly my body forgot how to do them. Team Joe Camel, you are probably way behind in training, so my advice is to ditch your training for the physical challenges at DC, and focus mostly on the spiritual challenges. It's your only chance...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

JJ - A Week in Review

Juggling January - So far a great start to 2010. Here's the Murtzinator road marching at Picnic Point with training partner Levi (Yes Sammy Andrejko, you should be training too):
theGuth snowshoeing!
And Crash at Discovery Park road marching with Gerald.

Keep up the great training! OSIOS (Oh Shit I'm Outta Shape) Week is over, this week starts DADA-PTT (Damn A Diagnostic Army PT Test). Team Joe Camel, hope your Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet is still going well...

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Army PT Test

For those of you unfamiliar with the Army PT Test, check out these links for the push-ups and sit-ups. The 2 mile run should be self-explanatory, but stats from past DCs show that running in cargo shorts is not the best uniform if you want to PR.

We will be using the old Army PT Standards (competitors will be issued a copy soon), and scoring will be under the 17-21 yr old age bracket.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Team Newcastle

Dear Reigning (& Former) DC Champions:

Team Newcastle is taking the 2010 DC very, VERY seriously this year. In fact, I just emailed Mr. Leach about becoming the head coach/manager for our training camp. First Class, you might want to cut back to half a pack of cigs and Grand Slam, you might want to give away some of your Oktoberfest brew. You've been warned...

Oh, and Happy Birthday Gerald. (You can take today off from training, but just add 8 miles to whatever you are going to run tomorrow).